Ryu Hayabusa Syndrome

Recall the 3D clips we discussed before.

I coin this the  Ryu Hayabusa Syndrome.

Let's get it out of the way

Diary, you might as well know:

XCALIBUR: LORDS OF SEX is my favorite porno. I have a fantasy where I'm fucked by a knight in full armor & during the whole time he growls "Deus Vult!"

I can't fathom a way to make it happen which is why I'm asexual. Nobody is really asexual. All my fantasies are pretty unrealistic, at least this one involves an actual human being (versus a character). I would be so pissed if they took off their helmet even.

Did you notice - >  any guy can instantly become so hot when they wear a medieval helmet? Like an attractive face isn't more attractive than a helmet.

I have long realized I have a problem with human body - I don't want to see it. Maybe I have seen too much in workshops. All those days at the art museum... a whole summer I saw naked men, women every day. I have had enough. Who would know it would kill my joy? Everybody else seems to be doing fine though, maybe it's just not that.

It just really irks me when p…


I figured I have to be there to think about life and death. Death is still there, you know.

I walked the walk today. I seen candles, white roses, red roses, notes and people. I was hoping to connect. I was hoping to feel something. I was hoping to grasp the effect of the deaths, their impact on the world, and so on.

I wouldn't be able to admit it to anyone, but I'll let you know- I couldn't.

People are signing their names on the tiles on the ground, they surrounded where the van stopped, where the Miro tile painting was. I smelled incense.

But everybody had to move on.

And for the rest of the city, indeed life carried on. I can't, I don't- the families and friends must be grieving quietly. For everybody else- there is a life to be had.

I stopped at the dock, then I went to the beach. I stared into the horizon, watching ships and planes coming and going. I saw the waves. And all the time I was trying, trying... I tried so hard, diary.

I don't feel connected to …

Utter break-down of games

When you "see through" all gameplays as light finger activity and know the "experience" is just as good in Let's Play videos, you kind of abandon games already. There is nothing you need to do. After all these years I finally begin to understand the popularity of gameplay videos. But not even that. I still don't find any meaning in streaming or gameplay footage in general. Cutscene movies alone will do it.

I would never see this coming. All games losing meaning...?  This is too grand.

take a walk

I just don't have an appetite today.

Watertown 2.0

Did it just reset my whole system?

Anyway. Yet again close to the scene. I believe it's helicopters I hear. Every time it makes me think.

Makes you think, too . 

When in bed . .

When in bed, fuck.

No no, I jest. The whole sex thing, it's not my choice. I'd like to fuck very much, I have sexual fantasies every day. It's just I can't seem to find any living human being I'm attracted to. As the last time we discussed it, my fantasies evaporate as soon as I see real people.

This is quite interesting, and a torture.

100 %    not what I wanted to talk to you about in the day .

People are FAT & Vacant

how'd they manage dat

Why is Italy so great

Why does Italy have great art, great food and great clothes

it's not fair

why is it so good

cognitive dissonance

if you hold two or more contradicting beliefs or values...