Monday, July 1, 2019
Happiness & Acceptance are true weaponry.
For people- might be the ultimate weaponry.
I complain a lot, but I really might be in the best case scenario.
If you see someone trying to force a square peg into a round hole and they're upset, you might be moved to go over there and help them. I am this person sometimes, but it's possible because people like this can be helped.
Now if you see someone successfully forced a square peg into a round hole, and it's chipped and stuck there, and they're happy, there is virtually nothing you can do. It's impossible. If you attempt to remove that peg or even suggest that they're wrong, they might beat the living shit out of you. And the thing is, they're - it's because they're perfectly content and happy with their life.
Happiness, based on acceptance, can be a true weapon against truth and progress. Project this simple abstract model onto innumerable real life instances. This weapon has wounded me deeply. I don't have such weapon to strike back. I can easily lose "acceptance" even, keep reading.
I easily feel threatened- now this somehow feels contradictory to my near-constant torment of looking down on people. Either I find there are too many retards floating around or I plunge into an abyssal existential crisis when I find someone on my level. I always manage to relieve myself in the end, never by escapism or denial, but in the form of theory and improvement. It's been a very long time since I've seen any competition from my "contemporary peers", but today I was just reminded that they're out there.
I can't describe the rage I felt when I read something that could've come out of my own mouth. Don't worry- they're inevitably wrong. Still- you must find this ridiculous. It's 1000 times more annoying than looking at something silly. I swear to God. Anger from my soul. I am not "displeased", I am literally burning inside. Without competition, all that is left is contempt for others, which is unhealthy- for everyone. With competition, I am mad, but it's good- for everyone, in the end.
I never felt like a fraud, Diary, but I do experience fear when people are close. It's ill.
I must understand all they understand and possess knowledge they don't have, even if I will share my knowledge with no reservation with as many people as possible in the end - for the good of all.
Naturally only some facets. I don't know who's the most knowledgeable person- or top 10- in the world right now. If I don't know by now clearly they have done a poor job for themselves. I am an Absolutist, Diary- this title comes with great risk. I believe with my limited time and energy, which I'm wasting a lot to my own condemnation, I have picked the Absolute correct priorities.
There is no do-over, only remedy any falsehood as soon as possible.