Sunday, June 9, 2019

Note to self : No more glass

I was in such a bad state that my hand slipped and I broke a whisky glass I used for brushing teeth . Glass and crystal just keep breaking around me .

 Note to self : use stainless steel from now .

 Every day I'm nervous as fuck . Now I gotta prepare for yet another nightmare . If this keeps going on I'll have to look into sleeping pills . No, fuck that . Herbal tea ? No, fuck that, too .

 I'm riled up, Diary . It's 2am & I'm riled up . I'm real angry now . Fucking get this done . I hate myself now . Fuck . I know I'm right so what am I waiting for . Fuck .

 Oh, right, public face . I spent all day today thinking about public face . It's inevitable that I will have to have a public face if I want to try some of those things . My head is ringing a bit now . Fuck . What I'm saying is . It's too early . I always have a name . I know how important a name is so I always first have a name . Still. I'm not like other people, I need to have it thoroughly thought out . Compromise ? Maybe . I don't want to play with fire, even though it looks like I have literally stood in hell fire .

 Fuck , Diary. I'm not happy with the world and I'm not happy with myself. Overall all my life I've been more satisfied with myself than the world . Is that good news ? PP is dead, it's too small.

 There is definitely a knot in my stomach .

 This is so ill, Diary . I'm on the brink of despair again . The world is nearing the exact opposite of what I want it to look like. 10 years ago it was 100 degrees off, now it's inching 180 degrees opposite. What the fuck . I'm not OK with it, at all. It's too torturous. Don't think after 180 degrees it's going to be OK. It's not coming back. The dimwits are INSUFFERABLE .

I broke a glass . Fuck I can't go to bed now, and be punished by I'm sure yet another nightmare. Everything is so fucked.


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