Sometimes I feel like: the world can't be ( just ) about basic rule-based reduction.
When dealing with more than you can handle, because of your limitation, there is rule.
But also, there are specifics.
Internet has allowed life to be lived both locally and remotely. If anything, I'm missing out on specifics. But to be real, man's greatest achievements lie in cities. There is less "sculpturing" going on in rural side, where preservation of "originality" is the point.
I'm torn. I -
I know I'm yearning for an old dream. Not technically a "dream"- just a long, dreamy scenario. I gaze at the picture for too long. The idyllic, peaceful country life. Tea, nature & home made goods. Ultimate Normalcy.
So comfortable. So reassuring. As if everything has only been fine. Harmonious. Everything is delicate yet enduring & endearing. True calmness & tranquility. I yearn for that.
I don't know if that life has a purpose. I just know it will calm me down.
I need to chill, Diary. And I realize that you can't help me... at least not 100% of the time. I need to find peace. Where is it? It has to be this picturesque dream.
I genuinely feel like the world is getting less and less interesting now. There are fewer and fewer interesting things. It's mind-boggling to me how people are intrigued by un-intriguing things.
Only I can be the one to save myself. I can save a lot of others, too. I'm just mad that they haven't given anything to me yet. Of course, they'll be paying soon. It's fair.
At the same time, if only there was even one intrigue for me now . . .