Thursday, May 17, 2018


I was in prison last night in my dream, Diary. It was a truly horrible dream. People were doing the same things over and over again, and it was in this old, abandoned building... it sends shivers down my spine. When I was half awake, I realized the way everything was repeating was a lot like in a gym- a small confined space where people do hamster things. That's what I always felt about gyms and that's what I've always told you, right? Right. I don't know why I dreamed of that but, it was another nightmare for sure, and now gym terrifies me. I can tell God is not pleased with me.

​I always feel conflicted when I'm told I look great on the street by someone who isn't hot. I know how it sounds but I have to say. It's a compliment either way so it's appreciated. No of course. It's just... I know I look great but this is by no means my best form right now, like I'm so far from when I look best & I don't know if I can trust any compliment, I feel like I don't deserve it. I really let myself go in the past few months, if you look at the calendar... the calendar tells me I'm busy with cooking all sorts of stuff since this year began. It worries me. I shouldn't be concerned with that. Or my image, really. There is only one thing I need to focus on. One thing that can be broken in all different parts but one thing still.

I'm so exhausted, Diary. People keep telling me I need a break, but I feel like... I...

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