Wednesday, November 7, 2018

001


I wasn't going to write an entry today but I noticed certain journalist has come under heat recently.  I don't remember the show's name, that's the thing. It's the very first show I've ever been on - I was at least 10 . But I don't remember it . Everything about that show except my segment seems so fuzzy .  I guess that also proves what the journalist said to me . .  h'well, about me, at the time, didn't bother me at all.

It was ancient, trivial, and it doesn't matter what the name of the show was. All that matters is I agree with the criticism I saw today and I'm glad people are talking about it.

I knew who I was; I am consistent.  I do remember it shocked me though. It's like a black person being told "you're too white", or a smart person being told "you're simply retarded". It contradicted with what I'd been hearing all my life and that's why it was so confusing. I questioned a lot of things, like what if that's the society's standard- what if that's what adults- people who truly matter- think of me? Now, even today, I don't think it's vain to worry about your looks because it's an important part of life. But I do think that having more important things prevented me from letting negative opinions get to me. She might have been honest, but she sure is a harsh person . That is, if only she was the host of that show I've been on.

Anyways. It might seem weak, but I do have to mentally go back to people who were attracted me from time to time. Being acknowledged on a superficial level provides a quick sense of security. To me it speaks nothing about self-worth, but it's as basic and important as health. I guess everybody is more or less addicted to it, hence mannerism. And since I've chosen this lifestyle, I have only less and less need for it .

That's it then. It baffles me why that woman remains a forefront journalist. Yeah she's got some impressive credentials, but how does she work in the "people business" with that attitude ?

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