Friday, September 28, 2018





WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I FUCKING HATE IT I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I used to so look forward to September every year, it's fall, it's autumn, it's the coolness and ultimate comfort. None of that here! It's even almost October already, and the giant fucking sun is still up there toasting everything!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a botched photo panel and I had to abort two items on the itinerary which are actually important.

You don't know how many things the weather has ruined. You don't know how much weather affects me. There is literally no dignity under the sun. The sun gives no dignity. I don't remember ever asking for more sun.

Remember I said the day could always get worse? I did. It just fucking did. I found out the Endesa fucks lied to me and did not filed the emergency under "urgent". It should've occurred to me when I saw everyone who waited in their office lobby was over 60. I am a naive prick to think everything will be faster and more reliable dealt in person, face to face.

Even better. I am now more comfortable with the idea of further removing myself from society.

I keep wanting to curse myself for making this choice, again and again, but I have to stop. 3 years is a long time, but it's a worthy price to pay to figure so many things out and be certain of the next 20 years.

We are past the mid point, anyway. It's almost October- even the sun and the heat can't stop October from coming, then it's 3 months and a year. One more summer. I have to endure one more summer, then no more. No more. Never more.

I have to be cruel to myself. I have to have discipline. I have to endure this. I must endure this. All of it. All of it is here to test me. I had much tougher days, I had so much more misery. I must do this. I must.

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