Friday, September 21, 2018

short hair forever

It's done. Contador isn't done, but hair is done. I appreciate the work that went into this, but I feel like- I know- that if I don't use 10 products every day and blow dry my hair twice before and after styling, I'll never be able to recreate it.

Diary, the next time you see a woman on the street with long wavy hair, show her respect by looking at it for a whole second. I can't believe the work women put into their hair. In summer? Of course in summer but, for that single moment she's had to... it's too much work. I'm going to tell you like this, I feel 10 pounds lighter, even though my thin, fine hair that was cut was probably, I don't really know but - I feel like a human being again. Every nurturing thing that I did - caring for a cat (in the past), keeping plants alive (all dead, now I just buy flowers), having long hair- has failed. Why? I don't know. I just know I'll have short hair forever.

I don't know. Even me. Imagine that. If I have >1 meal / day, I'm going to be sick. What kind of... you know? Can't eat before 2, can't eat after 6. Or I'll feel very ill. It's amazing I've kept myself alive for this long at all. Just. Staying alive.

But honestly though, it's still 30C today. I thought the 30+ days were over. And under PLC it's definitely over 35C, and stinky, and there were tens of... no, the entire place was taken over by people selling fake goods, and of course they set up their "shops" where the booth used to be. I have to check one more time to be sure, but... anyway.

Can you honestly believe. Guys selling fake goods right in PLC and around it, the most prominent place in all of Barcelona and all of Catalonia. The police aren't doing anything. They're literally there all of the time. They just put a tarp on the ground and put the bags and sunglasses on it. Does anyone actually buy these things? I don't want to mention their color so as not to be racist, but I do wonder... OK I read an article that says they're all from Senegal. I still don't get it but OK. What I want to say is this is actually offensive and sexist, because it's all bags and sunglasses, like they assume women will fall for that. But then again I stumbled upon a reddit sub dedicated to purveying fake goods when I was looking for opinions on the real stuff. Pffft, on reddit, that one was on me. OK. But I can't fathom who would buy something like that.

Fake goods is part of the false economy.

It just occurred to me, yeah, it's too much. Has it occurred to these women that it's too much? They have to do so much for... with their hair, then they have this added pressure, the sort of pressure that makes them do twisted things such as paying for plastic surgery and fake goods.

My standard is just to not die. That's it. You may laugh.

I never had the heart, the thought, the leisure, the time to do anything on top of that. Doesn't mean I'm not vain, but I would never push myself beyond the bare minimum of staying alive. I mean, I would not embellish myself if it's going to take any effort. I mean, if plastic surgery pushes pain over the threshold which is of a toothache, I won't do it. I mean, I will never let those things burden me. I feel like anything - literally any little thing - is going to burden me.

All other people are not lazy. I really have a whole new perspective after this. It's probably not wise to raise the expectation, but I get them a little bit better now. I still don't understand why they allot their time on these things. Like why they choose to waste their time... like so purposefully like they want to be stupid, but whatever. I don't know. I wouldn't call this sympathy. Life takes effort and on some level it's fair to all of us, I guess.

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