Tuesday, September 11, 2018

A modern gentleman in medieval time


You know this, right? It seems to be all this type fantasizes about. You're you, you're enlightened, you have some money- enough to sustain the following lifestyle- a big ranch or whatever, land, bonding with animals, good quality cotton & silk, organic, non-polluted food, leisure, fishing, free traveling, medieval cities with knights in shining armors, wars that always bring glory and wealth... and somehow the sanitation issues are tackled. You get the image, right? The romanticized good old days any culture... most cultures would look back on.

I just want to be clear. I'm not like that. I yearn for an idyllic hermit lifestyle, which I will obtain soon because else I'll die, but I don't wish to "go back" like that. If you start with that, by whatever means, with the perfect population distribution, technology, lax social policy, everything- by whatever method & magic, let's just grant it- if the people are the same people, the society is going to end up like this. Today.

Why? Because people CANNOT resist primal impulses. They CANNOT NOT behave like animals. It's. Just. Not. Possible. Childbirth is one of the most gruesome things and people will do that to the point of... today. People are animals. Regardless of the anomalies and the art and tech they gave us- don't say sanitation has helped the population increase, no no no no no. Don't say any amenity is responsible for population blowing up, no no no no no. It's people. It's. PEOPLE. It's people can't control themselves, or don't see a reason to control themselves, that decided to do this anyway, and these cool new things just happened to be there to assist them. People had more kids when conditions were much harder.

People invented monarchy. etc.

etc.

etc.

It's fine if every other species went extinct. What else do you expect.

Why do you think most people are normal people? Most people are insane monsters. They're beasts. They're as savage as mountain tigers. For God's sake. Let them. Just let them.

What kind of greed do you have to have, to think that you should have a soul or an afterlife? What level of greed is that?

Is the highest level of our achievement really that great? I used to comb through journals looking for sensational titles, wanting to know what kind of breakthrough we just had. But.

Can you?

There are still people I look up to. Yes, they're all dead. But I always wonder. They're the real giants that made real differences. What did they think? Of the world?

If I can get my hands on their biography.

Anyway.

Diary.

It's morbid to feel safe... not safe, but some sort of solace, knowing such great figures, and that they probably despaired, too. It's so morbid, I know.

I will have nothing but despair. I wanted to say yesterday: acknowledging it is the first step. I don't know why I pretended otherwise all these years. It's the only reason I have not performed as well as I should- as well I as I DID! It's crazy. I'm not embarrassed.

I'm done exploring humanity. I am sure of my findings. I will have nothing but despair.

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