Friday, August 31, 2018


It really poured early this morning -  I mean, someone really turned on the faucet. Sadly it only lasted 1-2 hours. I am almost attempted to say it's amazing it lasted that long at this point. Still, it's disappointing.

The UPS guy shows up at my doorstep pretty much every 10 days, so we have to talk about it- why is he getting weirder and weirder every time? For the first 20 times all up until today... or last time, he was acting completely like a robot. The same facial expression every time, it's unhuman. Like he needs to get away or something. Today I got something heavy so I asked him to put the package down in the foyer, and he threw it . . . ?  No the package had multiple stickers that said "muy fragil" . . ? I mean, you've come all the way to the door, why would you throw a package that's clearly marked "muy fragil" at the last moment ? I spent 10 minutes afterward and 10 minutes before writing this trying to figure out what could he possibly have against me, and I can't figured out anything. Our interaction was minimal. I only ever said "hi" and signed and he only showed the same robotic smile and said the same three lines. Yet I really get the vibe that he wanted to get out of here ASAP every time. This has never happened before.

You know since my TWO unfortunate incidents with LSA, I do not purchase any crystalware or glassware or even ceramics on the internet anymore. That was Le Creuset I ordered today so I knew it should be fine, but I hate the idea of . .  the SIGHT of some delivery man THROWING my package right in front of me. What the fuck ?  Oh it wasn't like throwing at me by the way and he didn't drop it from some height. It's just he could've easily set it down but decided to let go at the last two seconds, yeah purposefully. So like 20 cm from the floor.  And today as soon as I signed he just ripped the device from my hands like stealing it back, it was lightning speed. He wasn't in a hurry or anything, he just really wanted to go. I don't get it. I don't want my designer clothes get tossed on the floor next week. If he do that, I'm going to break the pattern and talk to him.

Some people are just weird, man. I finally visited CCCB today in the afternoon, and the ticket person greeted me with "good morning". No no no. Oh God. No. I am not comparing them both! God no. It's not even . . . no. We all have blunders sometimes, even though it took some explaining to let the ticket boy realize it was not morning atm. No. The UPS guy was much more troubling. There is no way to avoid it because I have found out that they must have a small branch in Barcelona, seeing it was the same guy that handled domestic freight from Madrid and foreign like France and Italy.

I steeped in some dark thoughts after that. I say dark, but to me it's normal. I wonder what type of job is dignifying for a middle-aged man. I've seen this more than once now, the first time it registered was prolly during Louis Ck's show where he pointed out that nobody cares about 40-yo or something. It sounds depressing. I mean yeah I can sympathize- as much as I sympathize with a gnat. It's got to be hard to work a shit job in your 40s to support yourself and your family, and you're bald. I don't know. What should we do with people like these? Should they be put on welfare? I mean suppose they make 20% less but they got 100% of their free time back. But I learned people don't know what to do with their free time, that's why they resort to watch genre specific tv production. I'm not joking, prolly soon in the future you WILL be able to find the character whose background is just like you - or close enough - on a TV show. Yet I guarantee nobody will identify with sheer appearance. This crisis is what fueled the identity politics.

Anyway. I went to see Black Light, and it's OK. There must have been hundreds of works in there, so props to them for putting it together. The problem with modern art is, I find, it's critical, relatable and abstract yet too lacking to be profound. Is it wrong to seek substance in the abstract? But it's good to see the general dark mood. And who do I find in this exhibit? Aleister Crowley  ,  of all people. You remember how I read "Moonchild", right? I didn't know he painted. They were eccentric, but not enduring just like his books. They have some old prints on display, too. Equinox of the Gods, Goetia, that sort of thing. He was pretty prolific, I mean, given the idea of mysticism. On the open pages it reads - "Philosophy, Life and religion have failed." "We must use Science to explain Mysticism and Mysticism to explain Science." You know it's just ticks, right?

I mean, it's like Hitler back in the days. You remember my notes on Mein Kampf, right? How could people fall for someone who preached mythology in that age? How could modern soldiers think they were using modern weapons to gun down cyclops, even as a metaphor? The stuff he wrote was public knowledge. I don't . . .

I mean, it's been proved again as Donald Trump was elected. I will never debate how the nation, or the world would fare differently had Clinton won, because that parallel universe is not observable from our vantage point if it exists at all, which it don't. But the art of persuasion- with the masses- well, the gullible- remains unchanged.

Speaking of Occultist & speaking of LaVeyanism, something I learned from Silicon Valley. It just occurred to me Gilfoyle is not a likable guy. No, he is actually despicable. People always roast Dinesh, but he's so normal and sane compared to Gilfoyle. It's the little hints they drop here and there next to not-so-subtle ones, like McCain & Palin. One of them is dead now.

At the end there was a little film. A man shaving his head. Then square light patches moving on a canvas. I wouldn't say it's inspiring, this exhibition.

I still can't take alcohol.  I still can only drink red wine with coke or juice, about 1 : 5 . No wait, more like 1 : 4  - 40 : 160. Not too bad, but I can't stay up now.

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