Thursday, August 9, 2018

a different day, the same despair

It just rained a little bit, so why do I still feel so sad?

Perhaps because I know it'll never happen again for a long, long time. Times after times, I see the weather report say it's going to rain, to only change it to cloudy, and then sunny hours before it should happen. It is nature, it is science. I was hopeful, I was hopeless.

I am thoroughly drained, Diary. I pray, I beg for it to rain a little bit longer, but things dry up in a few minutes. Tomorrow will be sunny again... I can't take it anymore.

No snow in winter... no rain in summer... I have plugged myself in a hell hole.

I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Diary...

I know it sounds insane, but I just want t tend a garden. I want to see nature. I don't want to be in a city anymore. I want to live somewhere with snow and rain. Always. Always.

I will never betray myself again.

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