Sunday, July 22, 2018

100 rains

Rainz!!!!!!!!!!!! Rain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  R A I N !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm mad happy rn because it's raining after yet I don't know how many days of nothing. Also although my dependency/tolerance/immunity to pain killer has increased ( 2 b4 n 6 now ) I'm glad my period is over for this period.

I've never felt more retarded for the C O N T E N T I've been watching recently, I can't even talk to you - but I have to understand my peers and the new generation. I can't talk normal right now. It's utterly important that I understand what's going on, like the big picture, constantly. I just... every day there is a new world to discover, because the more perspective you get, the more conclusive.... no- more rounded, your idea of the world is.

I will say this though because it's been bothering me for a while. It occurred to me I never clarified what "God". It's the unknown, the seeds and the probability. If someone asks you "what do you believe in?" and you reply "Oh I believe the unknown and the probability and variety of things that might be happening", it's way too long and it sounds way too edgy. So I coined the name "God" for myself. Every time I learn something or gain total control over something, "God's" power wanes a little bit. It suffices to say I will never be able to control my luck or my fate in general, or my place in the world by and large, etc. so I will always revere God. I know I sound like a theist, but I'm an atheist with strong agnostic tendencies. Not a full blown agnostic until I think of a proper shape and form of the entity that represents everything I described in God. So it also explains why I can't actually talk to people about my "God". I'm honestly afraid to hear someone assumes and say "Oh so he is #$^&()" I'd be so incensed. It's completely different than any religion. It's not a man. It can't be a man. God is an abstract concept. It's as abstract as Fate and probability theory.

So I never thought I'd be explaining God to you in such a casual way but here it is. In this way I believe every has a "God" and it's impossible to convince other people to believe in "your God", because it's literally your own values. I mean I guess you could brain wash them and rob them of their own thinking. But then like, where do churches come from, right? It's absurd to me that people would get together and agree on one God. I mean yeah, I guess we can all agree on our limit in the universe and the power of the unknown, but this isn't what they were thinking. I don't like their lore. I've read many lore of many religions and none of them impresses me. I'm so done. How can people believe in that?

If my past few days' experience in trashy content proved anything, it's that people will believe in anything. Fuck the rain stopped. I don't wanna talk anymore.

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