Thursday, June 28, 2018

a bit


It rained a little bit today. It's like God knows I was dying and made it rain. I can't take this "wonderful" Mediterranean weather any longer. I know I have to endure it for another year and a half, but I'm just saying. It's excruciating to not have rain or snow in my life. When it's sunny all day every day, there is just no reason to live. Like every day it's the same. Every rainy day is different, but every sunny day is the same. I just hate it. I hate it so much.

You can't go anywhere when it's sunny. Not only will you get sunburned, but there's people everywhere. I love when it's overcast like it's the night before the apocalypse, and there are not that many people on the street, and I feel like I can go wherever. I don't even bother to check the weather these days because I knew it was going to be sunny, and if it says otherwise it's usually a lie, so this is a nice surprise. I know God won't let me die like this. It's a stupid reason.

Can you believe I actually entertained the idea of moving to the Canaries at one point? How stupid is that? It's the sunniest place on the whole planet. I'm so stupid, no I was so stupid. Not anymore. I'm going to move to some place with seasons.

It occurred to me like, there are so many people who don't move all their life. Granted for a lot of them it's because they're ignorant or they can't, but what if, I mean, what if there is a good number of people who were just born in the right place. There has to be. They don't have to go through what I have to go through to start living a life. I haven't, by the way. I haven't even gotten started. I'm so ready to put some roots down. It's been 13 years since I was 13, so I have officially spent half of my life on the move. I literally feel like I've been on exile ever since I had to leave my home. Sadly, there is no going back. I'm still a little... about the mistake I made with UK. Just because I knew so little about it at the time. I'm not going to make that mistake again. The reduction of mistakes is an ongoing process, but I'm so done being on the move.

It's grand that the world and our society can contain so many different lifestyles. I know this isn't remotely orthodox but... I have to do it. I'm not exaggerating the effect the environment and the climate have on me. Tomorrow I will keep on dying.

At some point you disregard and dismiss other people as individuals. Why? I know I have to, but why?

God, Diary. This tire is not wearing away, it's wearing me down. And I'm just...



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