I always knew stress, or some accident will kill me, but for now, a better question is how to manage time. I have to be honest with you, Diary. I have had this trepidation for a long time and I have postponed- procrastinated for weeks. It's obscene when you say it out loud. But I haven't been idle. I have worked out other issues and figured out exactly how much stress I'm under. It's interesting, if you don't think about it, you appear to be- you perceive less stress while facing the same terms but once you figure out exactly what those terms are, how much time you have, what do you want- you perceive the actual amount of stress you're under. That's the real reality. That's- I'm synced. And it's killing me. I always like to live with pain as long as it's true rather than find solace in ignorance. Trust me, ignorance is hurting me now also, but less than ten days ago.
It looks impossible. But looking at it from a different angle, only I can accomplish it. I don't know which gives me more stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. I have to do it. It's why I'm here. It's my destiny. And it's only the first step.
First I have to accept that night time working has its benefit. Volume 10 is loud and clear compared to 46 in day time. It's the same ears, Diary. I simply do not need to handle that much noise. Noise is bad. So, it's cool to be a little different. But there is wind now. It's so pleasant, so I should start taking walks again.
I'm just still shocked that up until January this year, UK was my number one choice. Now it's 3rd. I was so sure about all of it. I mean, I will still settle- no, have a place in London some day, but it's just so clear that there is no point for me to go anywhere besides London. I mean, see the country, of course, but as for long term living, you know? There really aren't that many choices, which is a good thing for me, at least for now. I'm just glad I can see it clearly.
Godspeed Diary - GODSPEED