Sunday, March 18, 2018

Shores of Despair

I paused and now I forgot what. But Diary, there is unlimited amount of money to be made, unlimited "happiness" to be had, unlimited number of people to get to know- all relative to the short time we have. I hate to think that I have squandered my time. It is true that I have given my time to useless things. It is the biggest crime. I am so sorry.

I can't see the world in a good light. I can't think positively about anything. And I realize it's because I shouldn't. I'm actually, honestly allergic to that "all is OK" mentality. All is so not OK.

I begin to question Britannica's authority now. Their database is outdated to say the least. It's very disheartening. I don't want to live in a world without authority. I rebel authority when the authority is shit, but I actually want authority, because like everyone, I am searching for truth, or at least, reality. Everything is making that very hard for now. There is too much garbage and there are simply too few people who will devote all their time and energy making something great. I have to put up with this rampant vanity that doesn't stand for anything and doesn't have any significance. It... is it true that we can only look back?

The truth isn't a prophecy. It already exists. Maybe I have a better chance finding it by looking at stuff of well-recorded past than whatever this clusterfuck it is today. I am not entertained, Diary. I am not. I am desperately wanting to get away from people. It's not only what people are, but also what people want. It just repels me.

So who am I working for? If not only myself I suppose some abstract audience who are only a part of their whole.

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