Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Tired every day

I made a mistake, Diary. I called the delivery boy a "fuck face" some days ago, and though I could go back to edit it, I choose to leave it here so you remember this lesson. The crystal was shattered 3 times because the box isn't marked "fragile", and that has everything to do with the warehouse guys who are the true incompetent retards and nothing to do with the delivery boy, who albeit does look hideous, did nothing wrong. So I'm sorry about that. They did shatter the lid again today too, but the lid in shipment #3 was fine, so I took that and the cake stand from this one, 2/2, I have a complete set. What a fucking waste of my time. I bet this shit will get shattered again when I move, it's so brittle. Oh my God. LSA.

​But it'll be nearly 2 years. Fuck. Fuck me. I'm tired all day every day. Nothing will help. First of all, we have established food won't help. Drinks won't help. Sleeping won't help. Gaming won't help. Meeting people won't help. I don't know what will relieve my stress or if I'm supposed to carry it throughout my life. I should, but this is a bit too much. I have never had so much stress in my entire life, and I have to be ready for it. I just... I'm so alone in this, and I have to be alone in this. And I... is it worth it to be someone who has... no, wrong question. Every purpose needs an audience. Or... no. I know.

Some of the stuff is really dry, Diary. I don't seem to have a choice because there literally aren't many choices. The unknown now is different from the unknown back then. Back then the unknown is in the world, around me, now I see everywhere is empty, in the sense, it's devoid of that, so the unknown is out there now, and not really reachable. So does it matter if it exists? And what poor likelihood it will exist.

Maybe life is a dream. Life feels like a dream, now. In the sense that it's not real anymore. But no... I can't really define it.

It has always been a dream, right?  There is no "we", not even "me". 

Oh My God. It's snowing in here. In Barca.

​I opened the windows. It still has a sound of rain, much scattered, and the snowflakes only turn into drops seconds before they touch the ground. I'm so glad I stayed up.


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