Thursday, February 1, 2018

Rainy & windows

You don't get it. Diary. All I want is to have a quiet place all to myself, with it raining out all day, and I can watch and listen to the wind and water wafting through the trees right outside of the windows, and I work. Is it too much to ask? No. Some people are born with this. I'm not. I'm 26 already and I don't have it yet. I keep trying new things Diary... but I think I'm done trying new things, and now I think it's stupid to try new things when you always knew what is it that you want. I never wanted to live in a city. I never told myself "oh hell yeah I just want to be in a city". Maybe London but now that fantasy is shattered for me.

It's not too much to ask. I'll cut myself off from all this mess. The same fuckface that always delivered to me messed up my crystals twice. That's two broken crystalwares. While I had to sit and wait for his unpunctual ass to show up on my doorstep. Why? Why do I have to endure this? Every minute of mine is worth thousands of dollars and I'm just pouring hundreds of thousands down the drain waiting for someone to fuck up something that cost 39 euros? Why? I shouldn't have to endure this. I shouldn't have to suffer like this.

I won't buy online from Corte Ingles ever again. God Spain. When you go to the luxury brands' sites of Europe they usually don't list Spain on top as frequent client destination, that's how you know what the condition is like down here. There is no argument that it isn't still a "first world country", a term I quite so detest, but it really is on par with Greece, probably.

France, Germany, Italy. These are top tier countries in Europe. Not just with infrastructure but also decent size. I thought Spain would be fourth, but it didn't make it to the tier cut. So. I really can't stand how many old people there are, even in Barca. I don't know if where I'm going in Italy is worse, I hope not. At least I don't have to put up with lousy establishments like this. If this is their finest chain and what third, no fourth largest department group in the world? Then fuck me I won't do it. I will buy directly from brands from now on. You know what's interesting is I can buy all my groceries at La Boqueria every morning and buy flowers at Floristerías Navarro every weekend, it'll be a dream to many people - to be fair, but it won't do me justice. It just won't. You know why. I've suffered too much in my life, I can't look back 3 years past because every 3 year it's a different world for me, and the first world I came from looks like limbo from where I am now. I don't just want to get the hell away from limbo as far as possible, I want what I deserve. I've sacrificed too much for God and the Goodness of other people. I would've been a saint in ancient times, you know what I'm saying? I'm doing works that nobody else is willing to do because nobody else can do, I'm taking all the risks, giving my all, my most precious time, all my pride, all my energy and wits and really everything I have, despite how hateful they make me sometimes- for people.

I deserve a lot more. Since there is no sainthood now and nobody cares about that sort of thing anymore - it's gone away with time. Soon I'll be collecting my compensation, the amount will be just however much it is and it will never be enough. Good God Diary. 1% of what I've done grants me the rights to not have to suffer anybody's incompetence ever again. And I'll be collecting. You'll see. I'll be collecting.

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