Saturday, January 27, 2018

Long

I have chronological fatigue. The thing is, Diary, I've been facing the one same problem all my life, it's important and I never found a solution to it, which is why it's so sad. How do I relax? How to relax? I must have asked you this a thousand times now. I remember asking you this in middle school.

It seems I can't relax. Maybe I have been going about it the wrong way, but I sure have tried everything I could think of. Having more things doesn't make you happy, I realized that instantly, but nor does having more friends. Quality friends are hard to come by, and I have yet to find any in this country.

The problem isn't that I'm alone Diary, it's that I'm not alone enough. I don't feel lonely, and I just know by now that a city isn't a place to live. I'm in the best city possible- I've been to New York, when I walked into Times Square and I looked up and looked around and saw all the ads, all I could think of was "What a hellish place". I haven't been to Paris and I haven't been to London. I could go any time but I just didn't want to. Barca is the best city with just the right amount of population, culture, architecture, vibes. Close to the beach, all that. But what I need is tranquility. I want my peace and quiet. I just realize I've been working late at night, well into dawn because it's quiet. There is no tourist, no racket, no children crying. What's the city got to do with me anyway? I don't go clubbing, I don't need anything from the city, I can't stand being disappointed by strangers. I just can't.

I deserve not to be disturbed in the day to finish what I started. God Diary, I am so tired. I don't even know where the energy went. I'm supposed to work twice this speed. I'm just so tired. God.

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