Thursday, January 18, 2018

finger cut again

I was going to say that my finger has finally healed, but it so happens that I cut my hand again today. Where the fuck did I put my working gloves?

It's like this, OK? Y'know how I always wanted a cake stand with lid so I can put sweets and bread in it and pretend I'm in a bakery shop? Well, a crystal one finally went on sale in Corte Ingles so I got it for half off price. And it arrived COMPLETELY BROKEN. SHATTERED CRYSTAL GLASS. It was delivered in the morning and I had barely woken, so I reached in the box... and I cut myself. This is so sad. I ordered a lot of stuff but this one is what I want the most. I went back to bed only for 10 seconds just to ponder if we are - I am - doomed to lose what I treasure the most. Or doomed to not get it in the first place. Fate can be cruel like that, I thought. You might think I'm silly, but I think it's a sign. Maybe like Wilde said we will all keep being discontent after acquiring what we desire the most, but damn it, I don't think so. It's a damn cake stand and I want it. It's truly very sad.

I had to return the lemon curd and white chocolate almond from Cartwright & Butler too because the lemon curd had green gunk in it and the white almond was also turning green, like marble texture green. I'm not saying Cartwright & Butler is a shit brand, but I will never buy Cartwright & Butler from Corte Ingles ever again. What the fuck was that?

That said, the panettone from Da Vittorio is delicious. I have never been to a restaurant with any Michelin star, and now I think of it. My mouth was watering just from the smell, it's that good, and I couldn't wait to get a slice. There is 1 kilo of it so there's that.

I'm sorry Diary, it's not a birthday cake nor a substitute. I have turned 26 some days ago and that's that. I haven't died, obviously, and so there is no reason to dwell on it again. I think I will be less fearful next year - or not - who knows if I can make it, but, I'm OK now.

Not everything is OK, Diary. I know that I will have to change some day. I don't know what that day will be.

And I may have been watching too much porn this year already. Well I wouldn't actually say most of time on porn sites (just 2) was spend on watching, more like looking for the right stuff. When I was younger I could get off on words, it was much easier. I could use my imagination. The problem with realism, right, is it's very specific and leaves little room for imagination. I don't know the exact catchphrase I should use which is embarrassing for a 26-year-old I suppose, I want to say "rough sex" but the results are often not what I want. And the men are getting lazier in porn nowadays, if they don't put in effort I don't even want to watch anymore. Like they always use cowgirl positions or be real motor-like. I can't imagine that'd be remotely enjoyable for the girl, just having a motor thing going in and out of your body. Like their movement don't have no rhythm, it's just so boring. It's like a gif on loop, you know what I mean? It's so sad. lmao and in every blowjob video I came across recently the girl looked like she was let down majorly. No wonder there are so many lesbian porns these days. Sadly I'm not into that stuff.

Anyway I watch about 10-20 minutes every day for about 4 days in a row now, before you think I'm some kind of sex fiend. Is that normal? I don't even care. I don't even want to continue watching anymore because the search is just exhausting. It's like looking at applications and be not impressed with what you see. For some people porn and films even is what drives their sex drive, I firmly believe that. Like I told you if I were to see anyone irl I wouldn't have any urge whatsoever. It's weird- that's weird, I know. But today's porn just isn't very good. There is an alarmingly high number of stepmom videos too. Maybe divorce rate is really bad in the US and someone wants to cash in on it.

I definitely don't have kinks, Diary. The older I am the surer I am of that. I have no kink yet I am still having a hard time to find what would please me.

Bitcoin is crashing, right? Maybe you think now it's too late to be skeptical and you must already be in either camp. And my name... yeah. I have been watching the irl applications, the real, meaningful applications of bitcoins (and not other coins) these years. Back in 2013 there were a few vendors in San Francisco that already accepted bitcoin. I been there. But it never really took off. - Until I saw even in Wroclaw that they have at least one exchange booth where you can exchange bitcoin for real zloty. It didn't exactly make me hopeful but it did make me think better of Poland in general. But I'm not going off tangent.

The rise of btc isn't necessarily a good thing. Someone needs to poke enough holes in this false economy to prove it's actually viable and not a ponzi scheme. The coin's own utility is so very much different from blockchain and has so much less potential in my opinion. I wouldn't say the coin is doomed to fail but it's fair to say those who benefit from it will never be the masses. Other coins are just all jokes and the cons are simply cons. Some big cons run the biggest cons in California every year. It's not even drama that's worth anyone's attention and frankly I find it distracting. If you think about it it isn't even something you want to involve the masses in. But whatever.

I don't want to watch lesbian porn. I want to watch a fit, good-looking guy fucking (hard) a sweet-looking girl with natural breasts. That's all. Apparently it's too much to ask.

No comments:

Post a Comment