Saturday, December 2, 2017

They fixed the light

They fixed the light. Yesterday at night, well after 10 I think, I was dreading the abyss right underneath. It's fucking unnerving like we're in the deep ocean. The street is right there, yet you can't see it. It's like the building plunges under for five hundred meters and beyond. I had to turn on my desk lamp for two nights in a row and of course that resulted in me not getting good sleep and my eyes fucking hurt. But around 10 the damn thing was on and I felt OK again, actually I felt more than OK and did my grocery shopping until 6:00.

Shameful innit. I basically have a stock of the supermarket at my home now. One of every kind. The condiment and sauces I mean. Here is my conclusion. You should always have all spices and sauces imaginable, cause they don't expire, or have a long shelf life. And you should only get the raw material fresh. But I have stocked a lot of cookies, sweets and chocolate, too. If I don't shop for the next two years I can probably live off those.

One year. That's bit of a stretch. One year is OK I think. I mean I'll die from not eating fruit and veg but, maybe I was just talking about calories and carbs, you know. Let's not go back.

I am a very insecure person. In that respect. I am... I feel secure and insecure at the same time.

Playing CIV 6 today, I did not enjoy it at all. All games have lost meaning now. Games aren't "fun" anymore. The only thing I remember is the narrative from some of the RPGs. I don't miss the gameplay. For most of the 3As- that I'm interested in- I'm only watching cutscene compilations anyway. I just don't find any game mechanics interesting. Micro-management, that's CIV, there is really not much room for strategy for the way everything is programmed. Shooting, driving, killing, never interested in those. Training for skills, just wasting a bunch of time to repeatedly watch pre-rigged animation. Imagine my shock when I first found out about the business model of charging people for skin-sets.

That's one of the things that worry me. I keep thinking people want logical products. I don't know what makes people happy. People want happy products and I don't know what they could be because I aggressively don't care what makes someone happy. I really, actively, violently, aggressively do not care. That is a problem. It was fine before but now I see it's a problem. Maybe I'm too self-centered to find out. But I have to. I have to, don't you see?

Oh Diary I guess this is what you call a bit of a bind. I'm in.

It's getting chillier and chillier every day. True autumn only lasted about 10 days. And you're thinking of living in some place colder in the future?


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