Sunday, December 31, 2017

So fat

Only less than 2 hours away from 2018. Will I have a heart attack? We'll see. It's terrifying. And soon I'll turn 26. I can't. I can't deal with it. I'm getting weak knees just thinking about it. This terrifies me. It's too terrifying. I'm so scared by the ticking of time. Right now it feels like it's impossible that we'll go into 2018, but it inevitably will. It's already 2018 in some parts of the world.

I'm so terrified Diary. I'm so terrified!! I... I... I'll die some day. I'll die some day, for sure!! And I!!!! How can I have lived so long? I'm so, so afraid, Diary. I'm so nervous, uneasy. I feel inadequate, I feel ill-prepared. I feel I've fallen short. I feel I'm not ready. I'm very afraid of the unknown in the next year. I'm so very afraid.

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