Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Do you shit where you eat?

Last night I had a plumbing problem. I rushed to Carrefour, got the plunger and fixed it.

Today I hurt myself again with the same device in the kitchen. I'm telling you, that tool is a killer. I spent so much time shaving cheese into the pot, and I never know what to do with the last bit. And there! I sliced my finger and three layers of skin and flesh came off like a slice of jamon. It literally- I looked at the wound and it's clear that 3 layers were cut and it literally looked like a wounded jamon.

Whatever. I failed too by the way, mac and cheese. Way too much mac and not enough cheese. This is torture. All of my cooking is torture. Why do I keep trying? I know I wouldn't derive any sort of "joy" either way, it's just keeping myself from dying. So why do I try? God damn it, Diary. I just can't. I can't stomach my own nasty cooking anymore. But I crave mac and cheese. I really want to have mac and cheese whenever I want to have them. Hot- warm. Nice. Homey.

I will never. God. OK. Whatever.

What's really bothering me is since I don't have a permanent residence, I feel uneasy about acquiring all the good books I want. And quite frankly, it's driving me crazy. I can get the collection for myself for my birthday, or Christmas, whichever comes first, you wouldn't know - but, I can't. Because I'm going to leave and... I just really want to settle down, you know? I don't want to arrange mailing 1000 lbs of books when I go. I really don't like reading articles on the internet. For a quick look-up, internet is the best. But I want index. I want dictionary. I want encyclopedia. Wikipedia doesn't have organization, you have to know what you're looking for to be able to utilize it. I want to see everything. Everything. Everything!

People don't get that. I told you how I felt about the retard at Slate, right? Yeah.

I'm tossing away the bland pears, too. They've been in the fridge since July.

Ownership. Could it be because I haven't acquired the permanence I need that I overcompensate on other things? But ownership- ownership is irrational.

I just need to know, Diary. Instantly. I hope the DVD helps.

God it really tastes terrible. I don't want any plumbing problems or cooking problems ever again. It's hateful that I have to deal with, well, one of these every day. Every time I go into the kitchen I struggle to think of ideas that can minimize the time I spend there. No dice. And all this terrible cooking must have done great damage to my health. Will you please look at this bowl of "mac and cheese"? If I take it to a homeless person he will undoubtedly take it as an affront. I'm just terrible, Diary. I'm so terrible. There are people who enjoy their 3 meals a day. Me, I'm suffering once every day and it lasts forever. This is just pathetic. I'm so terrible at cooking. God. Every ingredient loses its flavor as soon as I touch it. Every food is not what it is. I'm just... this is so terrible.

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