Thursday, December 28, 2017

Assumption of the worst

It must say something about the person who always assumes the worst. One interpretation is that they only derive pleasure from being wrong and the actual outcome is not as bad as they assumed.

They told me to get insurance. I didn't listen. Now not listening has taken a toll on me, and I signed a comprehensive contract today. Now I'm not afraid even if the sun explodes on me. I am also ashamed from reading just the first half of vol 1 that, yeah, despite coming from an engineering school, I don't know jack shit about electricity. They don't actually teach you about electricity in computer science, that's how specialized all disciplines are - no, this doesn't even show the extent of it. But yes, I am an idiot as water is wet, nothing is new.

I constantly think about the education I received in my life, for I have such a vast background in all different cultures and nations. All 6 of them is a lot ( and they still managed to produce an idiot ). What shocked me was that they actually mocked liberal arts college in engineering school, or perhaps it's their hubris, anyway I found it very hard to join the laugh. I still have no idea what a liberal arts college is because I have no experience in it, apart from one unforgettable night dancing in Wellesley. I am a giddy dancer, too, by the way.

I think it's great. I can't stop pondering the irony of being rejected by a women's college and getting into basically a men's college. I wonder how I would turn out if I went to a women's college like I first hoped. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy my time in the latter, but I just wonder. It all could be so different. And naturally I'm not going to blame my lack of grace, my rash attitude or aggressive pessimism, my subtle, well disguised, internal awkwardness on any of them, that's just me.

More possible than ever, man gets to forge their own path in life, and I think that's why I find a little peace in my position. I don't know if I should fear death yet. I used to think my life was fulfilled a long time ago when I first saw a wonder of the world and I could die at any moment. Now I'm not so sure. I guess I still don't fear it - but I'm taking it more seriously.

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