Wednesday, October 25, 2017
you know I just realized I'm never going to visit some of the places I want to visit. I admire those who can travel disregarding sanitation and safety. You know, they have a big backpack of the essentials and they can really delve into nature.
I'm afraid I won't even take a proper camping trip my whole life.
I wonder when did it start to happen. Keep in mind I did live in a slanted house where I had to physically grab the edge of my desk in order not to slip back and slam into the door. It has to be after college, yes.
I have a very strong "who should do what" mentality, and apparently suffering in any form is out of the question since then. I'm allergic to dirt.
Gosh Diary, this isn't good. I think the dread I feel about going to some places is unfounded. But I need comfort. I need it so badly. I want comfort all day every day with no interruption, and I don't know why. Maybe it's bc I'm so mentally strained.
When you think about it - really think about it - Do you really think you can come through with 2 travels per month? Do you want to deal with TSA twice every month? How do you feel about queuing? And Waiting? Gosh I can't believe I asked you about "Waiting". Remember the number of times you flipped because of waiting.
Settle down, woman. You don't know how bad Brexit is going to fuck you, I know. At worst, we'll waste half a mil on some worthless people in the span of 5 years - if we ever obtained that disposable income. However, I don't ever see how half a mil is going to be disposable in that sense. Waste it on people, too.
No. This is probably fate. You have always got the second best. Maybe you'll break a promise tomorrow, you worthless...
I don't want to. God it's just one day. I don't want to break my promise.
I'm honestly so tired of this incessant migrating. And renting. Living in places where others have lived. I honestly consider buying a patch of land and build a house from scratch. I can't otherwise I honestly can't. One thing I'll make sure is I won't have a pool. I don't want to see a pool ever again.
At the same time I know I can't. I will definitely move at least twice from now. I know for sure. So I keep torturing myself.