Thursday, September 7, 2017
You know, sometimes I think it's not too bad that I am a woman.
If I was born a man, all else being equal, there is a nonzero chance that I would be the stalk and rape kind.
There is not a chance for a 5'6'' woman to stalk and rape a 6'2'' fictional character. Any fictional character.
Sometimes I can't fathom what kind of delinquent I would be if I were born a man. Oh God.
But as a woman, I see only one path: the path of cleanliness and niceties. It's the only path that's ever worked for women.
Sometimes I fear thinking about the first person I will like irl. God made sure that will never happen. It's truly a great thing for society, for others, and mostly for myself.
I know I am not a rational person... on this subject matter. Sooner or later I'll have to face the fact that I...
But I know. I know why God gave me the Mandate when I was 7. It is a creed I'm going to live by my entire life. This life, whether I complain about it from time to time or not, is righteous. It's great I'm born the way I am, trapped in this paradox, so I'm always safe, and others, too. As far as this goes.
I'm really picking up on the patterns, Diary. The more I consciously avoid thinking about it, the clearer it becomes. It's not nagging me in the back of my mind, it's just there for me to see.
Well, plenty of people like this as far as tastes go, I assume.