Thursday, September 28, 2017


My hair is thinning, Diary... thinning like crazy. There is only this much left, barely a handful.

I have a pretty whole recollection of last night's dream.

It's summer, I'm at the beach in a pink bikini set and lying on the sand. I wanted to have the area all to myself (it was so nice and sunny) and the only way to do it was to plant a palm tree at the exat spot where I was. So I moved a whole palm tree, literally made it float in the air- and let it fall in the middle of the beach.

Then I'm at a small, bright library I frequent. I read this black-covered book that turned out to be a children's book, and it's about a little boy with a very old black suitcase, and the suitcase is filled with old books, very old books with yellowing pages, some of which are falling out.

I then go to this cashiers looking stand to return the book, and the boy- I was 16 and he was 16 or 17 or so- smiled at me and slipped me two notes on ripped paper. Very small pieces of paper, it's like we were making a secret handshake deal or something. And when he smiled at me, I got this rare feeling of likeness, and the smile told me he was a boy that loved books. I looked at the note and the bottom one said "I want to go out with you" or something of that nature, and the smaller note on top of it was an addendum "October 10, 8pm". It struck me as being very cute.

And then I was invited to my best friend's wedding. I looked up to her, the girl with auburn hair, and she was also one of the smartest, most social person I ever met. We also have another friend, a blondie. Anyway, I was supposed to make a speech at the wedding and I was vexing myself about how to make it great. And when it's time, I found my seat (we were all sitting on white benches) and waited for the lineup to go. And the first one to go was my favorite game (the one I told you about on Tuesday) developer. Well, the story-writer of that game. And he all talked about was how no one is real, that one cannot be real if one only stays in spiritual form, like in someone's head. Like you only exist (for real) when someone encounters you in your physical form. Then he just dropped the mic and left.

And then we were at our high school. I shyly told my friends about the library boy and my best friend, the auburn girl immediately told me he's a killer and he's bad news. And she explained to me, in the exact words, "Why would someone ask someone out if they don't even know you previously? Why would they do that all of a sudden?" and it made perfect sense to me. Indeed, someone CAN'T like me for me if they just saw me once. And the idea of the boy turned murderous. I suddenly knew he's killed people before and he's addictied to that lifestyle.

And the 4th member of our gang showed up, followed by the library boy. I remember there were two very small indoor "pools" right at the entrance, like you see them right after you push the doors open. They're tiny, they're the size of bathtubs but perfectly angular, the shape is... weird. It felt like caskets to me. But they had pool's blue tiles and they were empty, and they had these white electrical outlets you normally see in walls.

And we all started fighting for some reason and our 4th friend, the boy in jeans was the first casualty. He fell into the empty pool and his back touched the white outlets and he immediately started twisting and his face was shrinking and getting burned from the back. The library boy fell after him and was shocked to death, too. Then our blondie friend fell in the other pool and died in a similar fashion. All I was thinking was why the hell were there outlets in those mini swimiming pools.

It ended with those three bodies in two small empty pools. I don't know what happened to my best friend and I.

It's absurd how vividly I remember this dream. It's all very out of character and nonsensical but I just can't forget it. The feelings I felt in the dream are not going away. I was liking someone like I was a normal, ordinary girl, and that warm smile of someone who was just like me... it relaxed me so much. And why did my favorite game's developer show up at my best friend's wedding to make a speech like that? And why are there two pools in...

I feel like... I want to believe everything has a reason. The fact that I can't explain it doesn't imply it's God's work, especially when it's something so intimate and close to life.

What does it all mean?

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