Tuesday, August 22, 2017

My legs are heavy & here's why

First of all, let me just say I am aware this is one of the most faggoty, whiny posts I can make.

I hurt the left side of my body by sleeping last night. Remember the duvet I got for winter? It's too hot for summer, so I got a new one. It's supposed to be cooler. It's heavy as fuck. I'm telling you. It's like sleeping with another human. It's that heavy. It's there and I can't even move past it. When it covers me it feels like a hundred pounds is crashing down on me. I wake up feeling more tired than before. The left side of my body literally hurts and I almost see stars. It's fucking huge. I selected "for 135cm bed" but it's fucking huge and drapes all over the place. Dear lord. I'm switching back to my duvet tonight. I tried blanket, I tried towels, fuck me. This isn't going to work. That's a heavy comforter, I'm telling you.

At least my duvet is silk.

Yeah. Another thing is it's been sunny every day. It depresses the shit out of me. God I can't imagine going through the rest of my life where it's sunny every day. It's depressing. It's so depressing. I can't. I always think it's supposed to rain in summer. I've been waiting for the downpour in summer. I'm listening to Silent Hill: Downpour OST.

I wish, I wish it could get cloudy even. Good Lord. Please. Please... please save me. Please let me see a rainy day. I live for rain. Please, please make it rain. I can't bear how sunny it is. It tortures my heart. No... I'm so tired.

I stayed up till 7 last... this morning. I think, it might be because secretly I don't want to see the sun anymore.

It's hard to assess my energy level.

It's a thing, you know. I finally figured it out. You want to be in your element. There is such a misconception about going "out of your comfort zone". It's not like that. I should transcend, yes. I should challenge myself, always. But when you know your likes and don't-likes, when you know your element, it's just foolish to step out of it.

I have to become hardened about my choices. I know it, you know it, I just need to adhere to it.


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