Sunday, August 20, 2017

Let's get it out of the way

Diary, you might as well know:

XCALIBUR: LORDS OF SEX is my favorite porno. I have a fantasy where I'm fucked by a knight in full armor & during the whole time he growls "Deus Vult!"

I can't fathom a way to make it happen which is why I'm asexual. Nobody is really asexual. All my fantasies are pretty unrealistic, at least this one involves an actual human being (versus a character). I would be so pissed if they took off their helmet even.

Did you notice - >  any guy can instantly become so hot when they wear a medieval helmet? Like an attractive face isn't more attractive than a helmet.

I have long realized I have a problem with human body - I don't want to see it. Maybe I have seen too much in workshops. All those days at the art museum... a whole summer I saw naked men, women every day. I have had enough. Who would know it would kill my joy? Everybody else seems to be doing fine though, maybe it's just not that.

It just really irks me when people take their clothes off. Like I can't wait for the Fall, Winter. Early Spring even. Just not summer. God, please keep your clothes on.

Like although I'm not attracted to anyone irl, it would be appropriate to say when I see Calvin Klein underwear models, I should fantasize about what they look like fully clothed. Of course I haven't done it, because I'm not attracted to that. But, that's the idea.

I would even make love to a full set of armor only. I'd rather do that than a naked person. God I don't want to see people naked.

I was at the beach today and I looked at the people in swimsuits and I was just like: "Why? Why? You are pointless." Nobody has a perfect body. Most's are far from that. But a pair of gauntlets... oh dear, the perfect shape, grip, feel... It just grosses me out seeing flesh move. The crease on their back. Oh ew GROSS. How their facial features give away their inner struggle. I can find nobody who gets it.

You know, when I went out today, I had planned to wear my favorite little jacket with my Vince Camuto black skirt. It shows respect to the dead, and selfishly, I have had enough of summer clothes. But then I looked out the window and I'm reminded that people don't like clothes. Well to be fair it is still hot. Anyway, wearing something that touches your knees and elbows will actually make you stand out. So I fought it off and went out with a t & a pair of shorts again.

But anyway. The thought of Xcalibur made me wonder if I can make some sort of arrangement happen. The thing is, I think it's a good principle to not to pay for sex. Especially for a woman, that's like, beyond unnecessary, at least seemingly. I don't even need to ask, my species will look down on me if I did. And I actually know a bunch of HEMA-ish people, I just mean HEMA & more, but I doubt anyone will agree to keep the full armor on the whole time including helmet. But why should I buy a full set of armor, not for myself, and I don't get to wear it? And then what, hire a gigolo?  LMAO please.

I could, if I want it really badly, buy a full set of armor and install a motor in it myself. And I would dry hump that thing. The length I would go to fulfill at least 1 sex fantasy... I don't know. So far it doesn't look like it's worth the trouble. Oh dear, the wonderful ideas I have...

Why is it that I always play the Cleric in Dark Souls? Such are the topics I'm inspired to make at 4AM right before bed. Yes diary, I suppose "in a perfect world",  I'm a cleric/apostle who fucks knights/crusaders.

None of that is remotely close irl...  OH WAIT WAIT! Yes, yes I'm a man of the cloth, so to speak! I am God's Faithful Forever. Oh Wow Yes. At least that part is true.

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