Wednesday, August 2, 2017

A "Godless" Time

DESPITE God's presence and intervention, I feel like less and less people have faith. I don't know for sure. I feel like it's substituted by whatever they tell you in yoga class.

I saved a link, but you must not misunderstand me.

My temples hurt like crazy.

Got Paperblanks notebooks today.  They really need to up their game. Grand isn't big enough.

The lemon box costs about the same as M bars.

I feel really bad for Bree. I have never felt this bad for a TV character as I have for her. Do you know how sometimes TV writers accidentally create minor characters that speak to you? They don't last as 1/10 long as any main character but they leave the biggest impression.

This isn't Bree of course. I'm just concerned. Where do the Brees in real life end up eventually? Desperate Housewives is an epic drama. A biblical urban soap opera. But I've lived long enough to know for sure that life is spicier. Still. It's called Desperate Housewives so the backdrop is set, but I just can't help it. The Brees in the real world, at least now, won't be subject to such abject fate, is that right?

Fine crystal can hold coke from time to time, but it isn't made to hold coke... I'm sorry, this is the only comparison I can draw at the moment.

What a waste.

I'm real tired, diary. I hope when I do meet a Bree some day, she isn't tied up... she isn't struggling with... her life isn't revolving around...

I don't know. I really don't know.

How would I know. I draw back way too early. When am I ever interested in other people's lives, truly. 

I had a frustrating conversation the other day. The man was hot, open-minded, the personality was calm, the subject seemed interesting initially... but I discovered our tastes are vastly different, and probably our worldview, values, too. And it hit me. There is no way it is going anywhere with two people with vastly different tastes and values. On the same subject of videogames, for example, liking indie vs 3A is a huge divide. Metaphors for the piece of music that just feel wrong... it's just a hopeless situation. It really hit me at the moment: it doesn't matter how hot someone is, or how nice their personality is - if we have nothing in common, I don't even want to have another word anymore.

And it occurred to me right after then: I seem to always spend the first half of the time trying to establish common ground and the second half trying to think of ways to break up. Half time is a long time. I can't stand seeing someone totally invested in the conversation and confident, knowing I myself am yet again trying to get out of it. I can't not keep trying just to be polite, but I don't know how much more disappointment I can take.

Oh the other thing that instantly turned me off was how I instantly found out his project is going to flop. This thing that little team has been working on has a huge, inherent flaw in it, and I know better to not leave it at that. It has happened many times. Do you know how it feels when you see - you know someone is going to fail, and they won't fail if you just tell them what they're doing wrong, but that's just once, you can't take on their problem as your responsibility, you gotta let them be, you can't be with them anymore and all you can do is to walk away? Do you know how it is?

As far as I'm concerned, a good conversation is as about hard to find as a good friend. Don't say you can strike up a good conversation with any stranger. I don't buy that. People whom I can have a good conversation with are friendship-worthy.

Again I don't have romantic notions. I wish people know that. I really do.

I'm too tired. I'll play with myself for a while until I bounce back.

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