Monday, July 3, 2017

I will suffer

Do I need to suffer more if I already have to suffer this? Every month I have no escape. Every month I bleed and I hurt so bad that I want to die... that I feel like I'm already dying.

I wrote you in a previous entry, the sum of blood loss over a lifetime for an average woman can cause an average adult to die 6.7 times over all at once. A woman bleeds a lot more than any soldier in the history of humanity. Why? Why do they punish us like this?

I looked it up and I feel like I'm fainting. I can't read it anymore. Uh..... uh......... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

No no no no no!!

I really am in severe pain and discomfort. I really am unwell. It makes me question everything. Why, why must I be born a woman, and suffer this?!!!!!

I can't even walk to the pharmacy.

Or can I?


I went. It was too close to not give it a shot. I got Ibuprofen, I took a capsule. I lay on the rug for 10-15 minutes and waited for it to work, and it kind of does.

There is no other organ that is like the brain, diary. There is no way for me to tell the u... uterus.... dear Lord.. "no we aren't going to make babies, so you don't need to do that. You totally don't need to do that every month. we're good forever." There is no way to tell it that. Feet are cool sometimes. Sometimes I bump them into something and I immediately say "shh... shhhh.. it's cool, it's alright", and they stop hurting.

etc. ... etc.

But this period thing, I was never able to assuage it by communicating. Gotta use drug.

I don't get it, diary. There are so many people on this planet. Why is it that girls start to get their eggs ready at such a young age? Do we observe a global trend of late start of the menstrual cycle? I got mine on my 14th birthday, where the official stats said girls unusually get it 13-15, so I'm like definitive norm. But even then it didn't make sense. Nobody should have babies at 14 no matter the law, and it's been this way for at least a hundred years. So people just didn't take time to evolve? WTF?

How about- how about you make it start at 20, right, and make it end at 36? That's pretty generous, right? That's also like the best time for bestest eggs, right? Something like that? So you suffer 16 years, but it gets most of the job done.

It's such a mess, diary. I don't know who's in charge of this stuff.

Phew, as I was writing this the pain subsided a bit more. I'm late as fuck so. Laters.

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