Thursday, July 27, 2017

Am I that type of girl

I couldn't convince myself to take out the trash because there is a guy sitting in the street for the past fifteen minutes... ongoing. It's not a homeless guy or anything, I wouldn't mind if it's a homeless tbh. It's just a guy with a cap sitting there picking at his wristband, and it surprises me that the first thought that entered my head was if he's mental and would be dangerous to me...

I guess I am already that type of woman who can't take strolls at night.

I wouldn't help him either way, just so you know, but I've always thought the first thing that occurs to me should be "if this guy needs help", and not anything about me.

Oh he left. I'm going to take out the trash.

Anyway. Theoretically, oh I hate that word now. I'm just saying, if God has my back... no, if God doesn't intend for me to die, then I have nothing to worry about. But I can't carry that kind of confidence every day. I mean, I'm still human. I really can't be strolling the street at midnight.

And I really want to.

I have always been super conscious of what men can do. I've read news, I've heard stories. I'm not blind and I know I can't really fight them. And I have 0 trust in police or bystander to help me. So it shouldn't be a question. But it totally is.

Am I that type of girl who's afraid of everything?

I don't want to use that word on me. There has to be a way outta this...  Oh dear Lord. I don't know. I'm so careless all the time.

I just think it'd be really stupid if something happens to me this way. Ew if someone touches me... no.

Oh I went to the aquarium today. It is a TOURIST HELL. Good Lord. Let me check up the peak season for a second. July and August. Sure. But wha'ts with November through March?

Anyway. I'm NOT going to the aquarium next month. Or the zoo. I miss the animals though.

But back to me! No man is going to assault me, right? Do I look like a target? Do I look easy? I know I look dumb and / or miserable from time to time, but I don't think I look easy. Can you even see that at night? Ugh how about I try it for once.

I hate the saying that you SHOULD always travel in groups to be safe. Like HELLO my impromptu midnight stroll I'm not attaching a bunch of humans with me, what the fuck. A you can't impose that on people all the time and B I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO. OK B is more important I'm just being polite.

Oh well. I don't believe in pepper spray or guns either. I've never held a real gun before let alone know how to use it. As for pepper spray and whatnot, chances are I'll fail to get it out of my bag in time and end up spraying it toward my own face... I don't really want to take a bag.

It's insanely stupid how much is wasted on the subject. One fucking stroll. Just because some jerk can't control his impulse, and stories have led me to become this type of...

No, no I'm not. I'm fucking not. I'll take that stroll diary I tell you. I must take that stroll.

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