Wednesday, April 19, 2017

tropical tunes

Dear Diary:

I got into 10 millions of debt in my dream last night, not sure which currency.

I have a feeling it's about the post I wrote about Wolfna and the gif of the ice hole fish I saw the other day and the ocean post I wrote yesterday. When I present something nicer than it is aka betray my heart, my conscience disagrees and manifests in dreams. It must be it.

Before I tell you, just remember there is no "why" in dream itself.

I was in school and Wolfna is still my friend. I got this incredibly colorful fish, so scaly. I wish I can describe the colors to you adequately, it's like a thousand chips made of cathedral stained glass yet reflective of the deep ocean. Its tail is incredibly hard and red, almost like a shell of armor.

I put it in a blender for some reason along with milk and cream. I blended the thing but it couldn't all be taken apart, the tail is too tough. I drank the mixture. This is like an in-n-out sequence. I drank the creamy raw fish mixture and I liked the taste.

Now the scene switched and I'm in this school-aquarium complex. I wanted to stay after school, like till dark, and sneak into the aquarium to make a documentary about fish there. Wolfna offered to help. So we went together, but she stuffed coal into the penguins. It was hard to watch, and of course, 6 penguins died.

Now I had signed some papers earlier saying the operation is all me, because Wolfna was supposed to help me on the side as a favor. I had no idea she was going to do those nasty things to the penguins. So the next morning school told me I had to pay 6 millions for the penguins, and I had accrued 3 and some mils of fines elsewhere. It totaled to 10 millions of debt I had no idea how to pay off. Meanwhile because there is no paper trail leading to Wolfna, just the fact that she's guilty, I remember this distinctly: she's only fined 6000.

So the scene switched again and I have the blender. I didn't want to see the fish's head but I think I saw it in the cream. It came out. The gaping gray mouth with fang-like teeth. It was horror. I felt sick and paralyzed. It occurred to me the fish was some ancient forbidding creature. I don't know why such a hideous head is attached to such a beautiful body.

I feel like there is a way to explain this dream, but my conscience told me as soon as I wake up to delete the Concert post. So I did. A price has been paid.

It's highly possible that I love the things I say I hate and hate the things I say I love. I feel like finding out which is which is the least I can do for myself.

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